The moment I lost my shit!

Yesterday I finally lost my shit. I had been listening to my kids fight and yell and be totally cruel to eachother all day long. Warning after warning after warning they didnt seem to care. 

I thought hmmmmm... how to be a mom and get them to get straight in thier minds... HA then it came to me... make that stupid christmas elf write a naughty note and go away. By god this morning they woke up found out Flower had left them a note stating she was sad at their actions and was going on vacation until they had better attitudes. Well needless to say its been a really really quiet day with no fighting at all. They have gotten along and talked about their issues instead of fighting and screaming at each other and us. I have been quite impressed with them. Oh shit.. wait for it... bedtime has started and the arguing did to... DAMN IT I spoke to soon. Now they are fighting about remotes and whose night it is to pick the show. I swear motherhood never gets easier. 

I tell myself every single day, I wont yell I wont bitch and I wont argue with my kids. Each day I seem to lose the battle. Even with family rules on the wall listening seems to be something that doesn't happen in my house. I am most definitely sure that lots of the issues come from my bonus daughters moms house and the fact that she has no rules, no responsibility, and no accountability. Here we have structure, rules and total accountability for our actions.  Then I look at my own princess who has a father who is not only very absent but also very self absorbed and just an all out asshole... tonight is a prime example. She tried to call over and over. Texted and left voicemail's... this is sadly nothing new. No return call, text, NOTHING! Each and every time my husband and I try to put the broken pieces of her heart back together. I have tried and tried to get him to open his eyes to the sadness that he brings but he keeps doing it over and over again. So do i cut him off completely and not let my kids call him at all and break their hearts OR do I let them keep trying and get their hearts broke anyways? I just don't know anymore. The sadness for my kids is absolutely heart breaking and I cant seem to make heads or tales of why a father can act like this to someone he physically helped create! 

I struggle every day and try to love as much as I possibly can unconditionally and without falter but man there are days that it is impossible to not totally lose my shit... like yesterday.

So for today Ill call it a win. NO one died, book report got done, fighting was almost non existent, and I still have all my hair.